(This story is to be read with the context of our situation in mind. People who have not been with us find it actually very difficult to appreciate )
Part 2 - hhhssssssssssssssss .............. are u hearing me? ................ hssssssssss ....... bulletin no. 2 .... hssssss
zzzzzzzz.....as the electrical impulses intermittently annoy
me throughout this
hot and stuffy day in amsterdam, i write the second chapter of
the captain's
log, i.e. moi. many factors push me to do this, including:
- the need to give news of my existence to my subjects and fellow
viruses
- vengeance against camillu
- inbox decoration in many maltese-owned PCs
so here goes:
life here is like living in an aquarium with noone to watch you
except your
fellow fish/crustaceans...i shall focus most on the anniversary
of my birth,
since i deem it to be the most illuminating event of these past
weeks...
the day started out at 10 am, when i opened my eyes to the sound
of my new favourite
song: "tengo una minchia tanta" by frank zappa, that
our housemate stijn played
as a tribute to my post-shower presence in his room every
day...thanks stijn!
that song is the best way to start the day...anyways, we opened a
bottle of
champagne soon after and drank in bed...nice stuff, it gives one
a sense of
completion....after drink, elaine, ruth and mark presented me
with a gift i
thoroughly enjoyed(ta everyone), aka a cd by a band u would not
care to hear
about if u know me well...
so i got out of bed and had a shower (if u're aroused, get a
shower yourself,
or else read my book: "179 ways of how to unhornify an
individual in few simple
steps")....as i got out of my rinsing, i was presented with
another pleasant
surprise...mmmmmmmm....Jamaican Official Inhalational Natural
Tubing (one usually
forms an acronym of this long phrase)...it was a giant and
heavily loaded one,
and i legally consumed it to the last little bit, before going
down the extremely
perilous stairway leading to the front door and onto a
tram...trams here are
wondrous things, friendly and lethal at the same time, and if
u're in the right
state of mind and body, it endows you with chameleonic
powers...and this it
did, for eye witness reports claim that i actually went through a
series of
colour changes until i finally had to descend....contrary to what
u're expecting
to read, i kept my breakfast to myself, and after some nice
bitter lemon, was
able to proceed towards the faculty of medicine where we had to
check our mail...checking
mail drunk and stoned is better than dragon khan (eat your heart
out camillu!!)
and i was very entertained...
the afternoon was featureless, coz all we did was prepare for the
party in honour
of my majesty....
the evening came and guests started coming....rightly carrying
gifts!!! yippee,
my metamorphosis into a kid in xmas was successful and
complete!!!! we therefore
celebrated by binging on spirits and listening to various muzaks
until 11:30pm
when we unveiled the highlight of the evening: LA TORTE DE
L-ESPACE DELUXE ULTRAHARDE!!!!!
i say YYYEEEEEEHAAAAAA!!! and fire a few shots from bessie my
shotgun in the
air!!! we proceeded to reenact adverts of OXFAM on ethiopian
children by pouncing
on the cake and magically making it disappear with a swift motion
of the jaw
and oesophagus....i got smeared all over with chocolate, and all
the girls present
took part in my new photoshoot where the chicks each licked my
chocolate flavoured
face in groups of two....nice!!!!!
then it was time to go out............
mark f. decided against this and retired to his quarters,
slipping on the last
four steps, falling in an unknown direction, before finding his
bed and falling
into a deep catatonic dehydrated sleep...
we went and started walking to paradiso...
before i continue i must inform you that 3 girls of our
contingent, one of which
is our colleague ruth, suffer from a severe strain of the
polyuria syndrome,
and they seem also to synchronize bladder contractions with each
other....this
was one such occasion and they needed to disappear for a
minute...this minute
turned into many and when we started to worry, we spotted them in
the distance,
where we saw them try to climb onto a public portajohn to pee
there...we wondered
why they still needed to empty their tanks and when they caught
up with us we
obviously inquired....ruth had quite a wet and frustrated
appearance, and we
learnt that she fell into a canal on her quest to tinkle
winkle...ha ha ha....ok
enough giggling...let's move on...
we got there, and it wasn't too expensive to get in, but i didn't
care coz whatever
i ate or drank started to kick in with violence and i could have
distributed
all my wealth to strangers if i was correctly prompted...i was
searched by female
security.......nice again!!!! but i was afraid i'd give her all
my money, my
house keys and my passport, which i luckily didn't and i
entered.....
that place is WHOA!!!!! it's a church turned club, and plays
weird music with
acoustics of a church and looks of a church so it's like some
kind of 3D sci-fi
film with futuristic vampyres...i was deeply entertained!!! i
danced all night
long....or so i thought coz at the end of the night i realized
when i was walking
towards the exit, that it was the first time i moved in hours!!!
i basically
unconsciously just stood there looking around, hugging people for
a very long
time...i wasn't so entertained by staying immobile since the GA
;)
everyone was physically and mentally bulldozed...i can remember
things like
stijn mesmerised by nothingness, ruth holding onto a marble
column like a contorted
statue on the prow of a ship, we were like trees in a breeze...
the night ended and we went to sleep so we could wake up tomorrow
to join the
national social programme in Nijmegen................NOT!!!!!
noone in amsterdam
went, and they called each and every person, very concerned,
asking whether
they were also at Jeremy's party, and whether they were still
alive since they
were supposed to wait for us at the station there....that's kind
of the end
of that story, since the days that followed were kind of on the
same lines to
a lesser extent...ryan is now here and we're taking him around,
and telling
him tales about our 3 weeks here...
update on the behaviour of the maltese:
- ryan: still a virgin, but not for long >:)
- mark: alternates between knitting, ecstatically swaying to
music by brian
may and freddie mercury, being a shivering gray faced drug fiend,
getting horny
on products of marks and spencer's and giving the looks to
passing gay folk
- elaine is now also a drug fiend, prostitutes herself, and sells
cat fur on
the blackmarket on various bridges on the many canals here
- ruth urinates, sheds fur, howls at the moon and at strangers
and reads a treacherous
guidebook that is a written conspiracy to make people poor..
all for now...a possible final chapter is to follow but don't
hold your breath....
love, frozen windmills, steel clogs and foreign funghi
j E r E m Y ¿ ?